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Minnie the MOOC

Folks here’s a story ’bout Minnie the MOOC;
she was a red hot edu-kook.
She was the best-funded epic fail,
but Minnie had enrollment big as a whale.

Edu edu edu boo
P.d . P.d. PhD
hee hee hee hee hee hee hee
oh whoa whoa whoa

She messed around with a Superprofessor
She loved him though he was a great big messer.
He put her up online and showed her
how to spread the content around.

Edu-edu-edu-boo
oh-no-whoa-whoa
P.d. p.d. PhD
Oh-no-oh-no

She had a dream about real deep learning;
what she and her students were yearning.
Her institution gave her lots of press,
high hopes and her own web address.

Edu-edu-edu-edu-edu-edu-boo
p.d.p.d.p.d.p.d.PhD
Forgettabouta bookie-dookie oodles-n-oodles a links!
A-clickety clickety clickety hey!

He gave her citations with links for sources.
He gave her the goods from his most popular courses.
She had a million students every new semester
but 90 percent would eventually ditch her

Edu-edu-edu-boo
P.d.peeeeeeee.d.PhD
Hee hee hee hee hee hee hee

Poor MOOC, Poor MOOC, Poor MOOC

(With apologies to the songwriters of “Minnie the Moocher,” Irving Mills, Cab Calloway, Clarence Gaskill.)

_____
Here’s what the Digital Humanities are like for me so far:

When I started graduate school, I asked to be assigned in the smoker’s office.

“I didn’t know you smoked,” said the nice lady in charge of T.A. office assignments.

“I don’t,” I said.

But I wanted to be with the cool kids. All my friends, most of them anyway, were in the smoking office. Beckie (no longer smokes), Aron, Neil, Craig, and more whose names I’m blanking on.

This was in 1987, when smoking was allowed inside college offices. And classrooms–the first time I walked into Rodney Jones’s poetry workshop, I could barely see across the room, it was so smoky, and it took me a solid ten minutes to figure out who the teacher was, because there were three guys involved in an intense conversation, puffing away (none of whom looked like what I was used to professors looking like).

The smoking friends I now shared an office with were ones I’d met at the On-the-Island Pub, where I hung out and spent all the money I thought would last me a year after getting my bachelor’s degree. (It lasted almost six months, which actually, given my level of cluelessness and the fact that I didn’t have a credit card at the time, is pretty impressive.) So of course they all smoked.

I’m not saying that listening to all the cool kids talk about the Digital Humanities is putting me at risk for cancer.

I’m just saying that I’m not a full participant yet, just an observer.

Learning by osmosis.

So far, the cool kids seem to be saying MOOCs are

  • typically touted the most by people who understand them the least,
  • not actually good at what people want them to be good at,
  • potentially really exciting, if created by someone who understands pedagogy, cares about learning, and has experience teaching online.

Hence, I’m not willing to dismiss them as possibilities, but I’m awfully skepti-epti-epti-eptical.

I will, at some point, post something a little more substantive on this here topic. In the meantime, one of the non-smoking cool DH kids references the Hanson Bros.

Bowie’s Voice (“Where Are We Now”)

starched linen right when
it’s not so stiff

piece of paper twisting
in a breeze

sheet of metal
a thin sheet
its sound waves
emerging at the quiet snap
of bending this way
and then that

Bowie’s voice
in “Where Are We Now”
quavery
elegant
sad

exactly how we ought to speak
to the dead, were we to speak
to the dead, were we dead,
were we out walking the dead.

_____

Gracious I love that new album. And, for those of you landing here after Googling “walking he dead meaning” in oh, so many languages–I take it to mean being nostalgic for what is gone, so nostalgic so often that our nostalgia has become banal, and yet heartbreaking and urgent at the same time.

Scavenged

(in which two bottom feeders eye me)

1. Lone Rock Crow Diner

Less and less of the deer each week,
the ribs stick up now, six white arches
just visible above the edge of the ditch.

Today three turkey vultures loomed there,
linebackers next to the crow punters.
One turned his T-Rex head and watched me.

2. Republican Cruiser Sedan

Standing, waiting to cross the street,
I realized too late how slow,
slow, slow the approaching car was coming.

Slumped like a low-rider wannabe,
the driver turned his head and, leer-like,
watched me just like the vulture had.

_____
vulture

Red, red wine.

What I long for is the Welcome Table,
people singing hymns and drinking beer.
Apparently this isn’t possible.

If Jesus really was born in a stable,
It has to be o.k. I like it rougher.
What I long for is a welcome sort of table,

where, seriously, everyone can mingle
And hang out, peacefully, together.
Apparently this isn’t possible,

but I keep hoping. Church is more like hell
for me sometimes. Totally my fault, I’m sure.
What I long for is the Welcome Table

where the music’s hot. Nearly potable.
The Lord’s first miracle was wine (more, more).
Apparently it isn’t possible

to worship without being totally structural.
I just really want to toast the Lord.
What I long for is the Welcome Table.
Apparently this isn’t possible.

After Fools Day

I’m a bigger fool than I can say.
I’m so sorely, wretchedly exhausted
I almost need another holiday

to celebrate my foolishness, my way
of stopping just when I’ve gotten started.
I’m a bigger fool than I can say,

but that won’t stop me trying every day
to pin down my soul, to parse it.
I already need another holiday

and we’re not that far past spring break.
Adrenaline drove that car and crashed it.
I’m a bigger fool than I can say.

Calling myself a fool is such canker,
the Bible says not to even say it.
I totally need another holiday,

and although it’s foolish to pray
for time off, I can’t stop doing it.
I’m a bigger fool than even I can say
repeatedly, next time I get a holiday.

____

I told my son this morning that I had an idea for a new holiday–“After Fools Day,” where you say something that’s true, but follow it up with “After Fools Day!” and thus make people wonder if it is true. He was quiet for a moment then said, “Mama I don’t think I’ll be doing that.”

I told him that was o.k. That one of my greatest joys in life was coming up with new ideas, and I had so many, I didn’t worry if most of them crashed and burned. And then my day pretty much crashed and burned. But as days do, this one is ending. Whew.

red shoes make any day better

red shoes make any day better

The Zen Baptist Eats a Wasabi Deviled Egg on Dyngus Day

Egg and mayo mildness and then
hello!
Just prior in the pool today
the water was cold,
way colder than usual,
hello!

Fast laps.
Good lunch.
Sweet life.
_____

Symons Rec where I swim. My happy place.

Symons Rec where I swim. My happy place.

_____
I had a very, very hard time hitting the word counts in NaNoWriMo. But I think I can write a poem a day since I come pretty close to doing that every month, so NaPoWriMo, here I go!

Also note: I am so happy to have put wasabi and Dyngus in the same line I can barely stand it.

Prayer for Midterm: Holy Saturday

I try to assure my son that Easter always comes
(he’s worried they’ll cancel it because of snow),
but honestly, I have my doubts this time.
There’s still so much iron-ice that just won’t go

away. So gray. The only bright spot is the rain.
Officially not winter. Officially no drought.
Still can’t lift my mood this Holy Saturday,
shivering in my little cave of time, bound

tight by my to do list, behind in everything.
So many of my students have the same
time-panic in their eyes. What we need
is grace and strength and energy, not time.

Just faith that we could ever get caught up
would feel like Easter. A miracle, momentum.

______

My son with a peace lantern. Because it was summer. And it's peace.

My son with a peace lantern. Because it was summer. And it’s peace.

(Image of my son taken by my husband, nath, who can be found online at Nightjar Records.)

Can I get some hellfire from the choir?

(Because hellfire would warm things up, I’m thinking. “Amen” not so much.)

_____

I am a woman on the edge of exploding.
Global weirding’s gone too far this time.
I’m sick of winter but the snowers keep on snowing.

How the hell can flowers start their growing
when it’s still dipping down to single digits at night?
I am a woman on the edge of exploding

because an IED mood would at least not be cold.
I’m like Miniver Cheevy, that’s who I am.
I’m sick of winter but the snowers keep on snowing.

Who cares if I assail the season? No one.
This winter cares not one whit for my sighing.
I am a woman on the edge of exploding.

I want the boat to stop, but the rowers keep on rowing—
finally, finally, finally I’ve lost my mind.
I’m sick of winter but the snowers keep on snowing.

I’m worried about the leopard frogs stuck under the ice.
Can they wait to emerge or will they all just die?
I am a woman on the edge of exploding.
I’m sick of winter, but the snowers keep on snowing.

_____
Ranting here is a problem for two reasons.
1. It won’t melt the snow.
2. It will ultimately make me feel worse about the snow.

My friend Ryan Martin has done some terrific research with UW-Green Bay colleagues, and it got lots of attention this week. U.S News & World Report ran a story on it. Here’s a good paragraph, and a good quote from Ryan:

“Martin said venting has been described as putting a fire out with gasoline. But it’s not actually the anger that’s detrimental, according to the researchers. ‘There is nothing wrong with being angry and there are lots of things to be angry about, and that is healthy,’ said Martin. But he added that a healthier and more effective approach is to get involved and do something to effect the kind of change you want, or focus on problem solving.”

Hm. Well. Miniver Cheevy assailed the seasons and it got him nowhere except deeper down the glass he was drinking out of. (But as my students might point out, at least he didn’t end up like Richard Cory.)

Here’s the best I can do in terms of problem-solving: I’m in my parents’ sun room with the blinds closed so I can’t see the snow. I’m trying to get a few hours’ work in, so I feel guilt-free next Friday afternoon when I take a half-day off to spend with my son, who gets Easter weekend off. And in general, for this week, I’m trying to get a POOPLOAD of work done, so that when it does warm up, IF IT EVER FREAKING DOES, I can relax and enjoy the warm weather.

Also on tap: reading Harry Potter to my son and drinking a beer.

And ignoring the snow (fingers in ears, la la la la can’t hear you windy-wind, blinders on, can’t see you, snowy-snow) and hoping it will go away.

You do not do, you do not do, any more, white shoe

You do not do, you do not do, any more, white shoe

On National Down Syndrome Awareness Day: A Blessing

Because I worried about EVERYTHING when I was pregnant, I spent some time worrying about whether the baby I was carrying had Down Syndrome. Here’s what the universe showed me during the height of that worry:

A teenaged-girl with Down Syndrome in the Bargain Nook in Spring Green saying, with pitch-perfect aggrieved teen inflection, “Mo-om, no, I’m not wearing that.”

Then, waiting at the stoplight on Midvale & University in Madison, I watched a very self-important BUSY BUSY BUSY businessman walk hurriedly, head down, across the street. About 20 paces behind him was a man with Down Syndrome, carrying his backpack in this right hand, swinging it, at exactly the same pace the businessman was swinging his briefcase, and mimicking the pace and stride of Mr. Busy Guy absolutely perfectly. The biggest difference was wardrobe–suit vs. khakis & t-shirt. And facial expression: SCOWL vs. beaming.

I didn’t stop worrying about everything, but at that moment, I stopped worrying about Down Syndrome. And since then, I’ve watched the children of friends blossom and grow at their own wonderful pace, and I feel so lucky that the universe cracked itself open and expanded in a way I could GET IT and never forget it.

I Want to Be the One: Class of ’83

I want to be the one who doesn’t spend
one minute worried about how fat I am,
how fat or bald you are, if that’s Botox
smoothing out your smile. Are those boobs real?
No—none of that. I want to hug old friends—
yes, OLD, or old enough. It’s only time
that’s passed. We’re so lucky if our clocks
are still ticking. Ten years from how we’ll feel
more grief than we’ve felt yet. The 50s are hard
to live through–heart attacks, cancer, car wrecks–
we’ve already lost a few–who’s next?
At our 40th, we’ll just be glad we’re not dead.
I want to be the one who gets that now.
I want to really get it, the blessing of right now.
_____

I’m looking forward to the 30th high school reunion this summer, partly based on how much fun I had at my 20th.

Lines that didn’t make this particular sonnet:

I want to be the one you want to see.

(cut: too needy.)

I want to be the one who asks you how
you really are, who waits to hear you say

(nice idea, just didn’t fit)

And besides, if it’s like the 20th, what I’ll be asking is, “Hey, have you seen my husband?” And I hope the answer is, again, “Yeah! He’s out in the parking lot drinking homemade wine out of Mark’s trunk.”

(IF I have enough to drink myself, I might ask the guy who keeps posting Bible verses on our reunion Facebook page, “What the fuck?” But we’ll have to wait to see about that. I feel as though I deserve some sort of massive bonus karma points for not posting that as a comment on f.b. already, although, of course, this whole paragraph pretty much zeroes out any gain in karma points.)

But in memory of those we’ve already lost, and with high hopes for good times in August, here’s to the class of ’83!

We've already lost some great folks.

We’ve already lost some great folks.

 

UPDATE: let me clarify, because I don’t want people to get offended for the wrong reasons: I think it’s perfectly fine to post a Bible verse on the reunion page. The verses posted thus far, though, seemed kind of random to me & the fellow didn’t post any context.   Verses that would seem less random might be “Wine is a mocker and beer is a brawler.” Bonus points if you can name chapter and verse WITHOUT Google or a concordance. (Honestly, I just know it’s in Proverbs somewhere, but given my Baptist heritage, I shouldn’t even get partial points for that.)