“Eat Me” Said the Breakfast Cereal Mascot

Mommy bought the wrong cereal.
Don’t throw a fit.
Mommy is sorry.
Just eat the damn shit.

Look, see how pretty?
Those crunchy bits–
they’re Jezebel’s hands!
And also her feet!
And, oh my. A skull.

But look on the box!
Look, see how pretty?
She’s all dressed up!
She’s wearing makeup!
So pretty by the window.

Let’s open the box!
You might get a prize.
There’ might be a dog.
See the puppy dog?

If you don’t eat your cereal
the puppy will eat Jezebel.
It will eat her all up.
It will be a big help.
Mommy’s so sorry.
Be Mommy’s good puppy
and gobble her up!

If you’re a little rusty on the story, here’s 2 Kings 9

Found Poem, from Jezebel

“Maybe it’s not the greatest of patriarchal injustices
that cockeyed toucans, skateboarding frogs,
and vaguely pedophilic white rabbits hawking
sugar-blasted cereal to children are all male.”

“Even Fruity Pebbles, a cereal that actually includes
the name of a Flintstones character,
decided not to put Pebbles on its box.”

“Think about that the next time you see
some unsupervised child standing on his tippy-toes
to reach a box of Count Chocula. Then approach
the child and ask in a friendly voice,
‘Need help, little guy?’ Invariably the child will nod
shyly, which is your cue to knock the entire shelf
of Count Chocula to the floor and walk away.
Don’t feel bad — you’re doing your part,
however small, to erode the patriarchy’s power.”

Thus far in NaPoWriMo I have resorted to a sort of haiku, a like-ku, a parody, and now some found poetry. Also a couple of poems I actually like (see “Scavenged” for what I think is the best from the week).

This “found poem” was “found” in an article tweeted from Jezebel, “Ever Notice That There Aren’t Any Female Breakfast Cereal Mascots?”

Happily, the found poem led to a poem of my own, which is what’s up there at the very top of the page. Lovin me some Jezebel Crunch.

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