So, o.k., part of why I like to say I’m neurospicy is my lifelong tendency to be EITHER deep in the throes of a hyperfixation, having a bad breakup with a hyperfixation,* growing tired of/ghosting a hyperfixation which inevitably leads to a longing for a new hyperfixation, which of course leads to a new hyperfixation. It’s a thing. (By which I do and do not mean what a character says in my beloved Heated Rivalry, “I have a thing.”)
I am not thrilled to notice that most of my hyperfixations have overlapped with an utterly heterosexual crush on a GUY. Not a surprise, I guess, that those crush urges would overlap with the patriarchy’s penchant for putting men and their art and their achievements and their media coverage just right in our faces all the time. All the time.
But that doesn’t mean I can’t push back against that some. (At least my beloved Heated Rivalry thrives in a queer universe.)
So, pushing back, I picked up on a tentacle from a previous hyperfixation, and I’ve spent some time really, really appreciating Sarah Polley.
Among her other achievements, she has written a whole book. Run Towards the Danger is a pretty compelling read. I appreciate her humor and her willingness to be vulnerable–she spends zero pages trying to make herself look flawless. Obviously I identify with her because of her scoliosis and back surgery (what? you’ve read a lot of what I write/you know me in real life and I haven’t brought up my back surgery or scoliosis? AND YOU’RE TELLING ME THAT ONE LOOK AT ME DOESN’T MAKE IT OBVIOUS? Wait, o.k., so maybe I need to write more about that?). I also appreciated her discussion of being a child actor who was not allowed to be a child. I wasn’t a child actor, but my poise and my maturity and my long-suffering/good-spirited endurance of aforementioned scoliosis and back surgery often made people treat me like a little grownup, or at least I felt as though I was really supposed to be acting like a little grownup. Sigh. She also details the downfall of a Canadian interviewer/media star (whose name feels too icky to me to write just now) and how she was one of his victims and why she didn’t come forward when others did. It is not an easy read, this book, but it is very, very good.
She has a long IMDB list of acting credits (including Slings and Arrows where I saw her first), but I find I am most interested in her as a director. Since I have two parents afflicted with dementia, I am drawn to movies about it. Away From Her is a lovely, heart-wrenching adaptation of a story (by a Canadian novelist whose name I don’t feel like writing just now because it was revealed she knew about her second husband sexually assaulting her daughter and didn’t stop it). Polley got amazing performances from Julie Christie and Gordon Pinsent (a Companion of the Order of Canada, the very highest tier). It’s not an easy movie to watch in some ways, but well worth it.
Is that a theme I’m noticing for Sarah Polley? Making things that are not easy to ingest? But well worth it? Maybe, maybe.
The next movie I saw which she directed was Take This Waltz. It is an easy watch IN MANY WAYS: lush cinematography, compelling soundtrack, love-letter to Toronto, sexy sex scenes, tons of humor, good depictions of women’s friendships, good performances all around. But challenging because the love the characters feel isn’t sufficient to fix all their problems and make them 100% virtuous admirable people.
Then came Women Talking. Wow, wow, wow. She won an Oscar for Best Adapted Screenplay. Easy watch? Nope. Worth it? Absolutely.t
The fact that she has a book which takes a pretty unflinching look at her own life from multiple angles shouldn’t be surprising, since she also has a documentary about learning who her biological father was, Stories We Tell, featuring Michael Polley, whom you might recognize from Slings and Arrows.
And then finally, I am looking forward to The Bell Jar, which I learned about because one of its cast members is a star of, um, one of my other hyperfixations. O.k., o.k., it’s Connor Storrie. From Heated Rivalry, Season 2 of which will feature Paul Gross in a really skeevy villain role, which I kind of predicted here.
I am looking forward to The Bell Jar because Polley adapted it from Plath’s novel and now that I’m 61, I think maybe I can plunge back into Plath’s world without feeling so rattled I can’t function (which is what happened the first time I read The Bell Jar and Plath’s journals–neither of which I would recommend if you struggle with depression). Billie Eilish is starring, in her first acting role I think, and that seems like an inspired choice and a really interesting partnership.
I mean, goddam the patriarchy anyway. Why should it take any effort at all to indulge in a little hyperfixation on a very talented woman with a long & impressive career behind her and the likelihood of a long & impressive career ahead of her? I’ll just say this. Resisting the patriarchy? Not easy. But well worth it.
*Spell check says hyperfixation is two words but it FEELS like one. So.
